"Like a Candle in the Wind"- Goodbye Sis ☹

Its been a while I blogged! But today with a heavy heart, I write. I write because I pray it helps me get rid of the pain, sadness, and grieve I feel in my heart.

Yesterday I lost someone dear, close, and a sister. She struggled for a number of yrs! All I could do was watch her fight for survival! Fight for her son! Fight to be strong! And God was on her side all the time. Its weird, but she kept me going! God knows I couldn’t do anything; especially not from far away. While we were together, I encouraged her and continued to pray for her, and always found a way to help her financially through my folks.

She made me realize cancer was not the end of the world. And I made her realize having a son at an early age in 2000 was Gods design because he knew the devil was at work, and would want to take happiness away from her.

When the cancer hit, I thanked God for giving her a son, Bijoux-Meaning "Jewel". He really was a Jewel. He brought happiness to her life and everyone around her. I always said God knows what would happen next, and he does everything on his own terms not on ours.

Although we were far apart she made an effort to CALL ME once in a while! I really was supposed to be the one doing the calling, knowing her situation!
She showed me the meaning of strength! And now all I pray for is strength to survive this loss!

Only God knows why! And we will not question him. Only God gives and takes. Only him restores the broken heart. By our faith alone we are sure our broken heart would be restored.

Lord Jesus, give us all strength to comprehend. Give Bijoux understanding to be able to take it all in.

When the devil attacks, he attacks our faith. This experience has taught me to hold fast to my faith, because this is the time the devil dives in to mess with us, our faith and our belief system; so protecting our faith should be our goal. Thank you lord for the life of Kandie Grace Gwanzuwang, my sister, my friend! You alone will restore the ailing heart.

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Temporary "Squeezelish" High

Apple so red, it made you fall Fall, Fall back into sin I could do worse I can make u sink, sink so fast u forget to blink I desire to be deceptive, you deserve to be receptive Sweep me off my feet? You’ll be off your feet! (Slushhhhhh….) The “Game” is soo tight, but my heart’s always flat My ego! My ego! Taking over my decency I remain mortal, fear-‘less’! Take the back seat No moan-‘ness’, No whine-‘ness’, No fuss-‘ness’ It just glides high, high it’s so wide Its gone with the wind Emotion‘less’ - Fear’less’ - Heart’less’ I can make your heart rock, and make your bed bounce Grant my desires, so I perspire Cos when you no dey my bed, I go make am without you “I dey feel you, I dey love you”, I say it cos you wan hear am Give me your emotions I give you understanding Cloud NINE sipping Be my temporary HIGH So we would FLY Fly high! high into the SKY ~Amina J. Yakubu~

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SWEET & SOUR MEMORIES I REMEMBER

I remember...
We used to drive many hours by road from Warri to Kaduna for the holidays.
Chasing around the ducks and chickens in the courtyard to make a meal.
The smell of grand ma’s kosai balls and doya (fried yams) in the mornings while waiting for morning devotion to be over so I could indulge.
Dancing in the courtyard with the drummers a day before New Years.
Cooking in a hut with firewood at grandma’s.
Fetching water from the well in the village

Technology has transformed things now. Perhaps knowledge is now available
Hmmm...Sweet Memories

I remember...
Getting grounded all the time, but still managed to get around.
Getting a sweet slap on the back because my lil bro hurt himself while under my care.
Fetching buckets of water on the head, to preserve for later use.
As a child being selective of my friends & what they should look like.
Falling in love so hard that I couldn’t get up the ground
Hmmm...Sweet Memories?

My memories became a moment of sudden revelation...
No matter who you are...
Days go by, people grow, hearts break
Choices come, decisions made, goals crack
Lets keep it stable? Lets keep it sensible? Lets keep it steady?
Naaa, change is woobly
Change is inevitable
Choices have to be made
Decisions show signs of growth

My memories has created the platform for my future
The choices I make has set the path in my present
With my ability to discern right from wrong
...The right choices will be made & my future guaranteed.

~Amina J. Yakubu~

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What Woman Should I be?

I don’t know about you, but for me and some people I know ☺
at this age most of my friends are married, some with kids…
It is a scary stage…
I remember when I was 18 years old I knew exactly when I would get married
I knew I had options…I still do ☺ because I am a freaking magnet! LOL!
But truly, I had my life mapped out. By 25 I knew I would be married.☹

Its strange because these days, the more I think of marriage the colder my feet gets
Of course there are many reasons why I feel that way.
I asked my friend the other day, what do men really want!?
I told him I would like to understand men, he said I shouldn’t…
Why?
I really just wanted to understand why a man has his wife at home, but he is out scouring a prey
I wanted to understand why a man can’t just go home, and safely indulge in the approved sin with the approved person

Anyway, here is the interesting part of our conversation. Warning: It is kinda vulgar. (Note: Name changed to protect identity)

Amina: Im tryna understand men
Dlo: don’t
Amina: I shouldn’t!!
Dlo: we can’t understand women either
Amina: Ah no o! Help me understand. If the thing catch you, you should be able to go and grab your wife na? Abi isn’t that the idea of marriage? The exclusivity?
Dlo: shebi u go soon marry?
Amina: ahhhhh! u don scare me finish
Dlo: dont b o..abeg men generally feel women change when they get married and start having kids..
Amina: change how? so that i make sure i don't change, pls tell me
Dlo: eh ehn..u go pay consultancy fee o
Amina: no wahala. i go pay
Dlo: You must arrange contract when you come
Amina: lol. no long thing
Dlo: Changes: and this is from discussions with my married friends...
1. y'all get comfortable
2...y'all take things 4 granted after marriage
3...no excitement except when it comes to shopping, what happened 2 d fun loving girl we married
Amina: lol
Dlo: 4...Sex starts becoming routine. Sometimes we men want good ole fashioned bread breaking fucking. lady in d streets, freak in d bed?
Amina: lol. omg
Dlo: Men need their wives to be consummate, motherly and whores...
Amina: oh snap! Lol ok keep going
Dlo: u guys just stop surprising especially after babies…Show interest in football. Offer to follow us to pub sometimes, even if we say no.
And always give us space… because we ain’t talking much don’t mean something is wrong u know?
Men are logical beings...most men. Our lives are pretty much organized and calculated...its very stressful for us when women mess up our routine one way or the other, especially when it makes no sense to us.
End of conversation...

Now, does this mean the problem is from women? Are we the problem?
Its possible.
I know I will be taking a lesson home from this.
My husband will not have any reason to go out, Amen
I will get a pole in my room ☺, if I have to
My husband won’t be left wanting...

Having all these information at our disposal should prepare us.
We should stop blaming men, and see what we can do.
Maybe the world will be a better place?
Its possible ☺

We should endeavor to be hot and on fire like this lady instead!Hehehe ☺

And things might change in our home! He might reduce the amount of time he spends outside the home, and move it inside. Be more exciting, and Spontaneous!

Thoughts?

~Amina J. Yakubu~

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H-Town aka "The party comes to us"

As soon as I got off the plane, the sneeze came for 5 minutes,
From them on, it was a cough with piercing pain to the chest,
Henceforth, my health became a downward spiral…
I wasn’t sure what I had, all I know is I became well acquainted with my bed within 2 days.
Muscle pain, abdominal aches, headaches, dizziness etcetera etcetera.
I had all the symptoms of a seasonal flu (and swine flu actually), but still unsure
My fear… “I hope I don’t have the swine flu!”

Woke up this morning (10/28/09) at 6 am vomiting nothing.
Then diarrhea followed, yuck ☹ (Might be as a result of Nyquil & Mucinex I don’t know)
As soon as this happened, my nerves kicked in, and my guessing game was over.
Checked myself into the urgent care center for medical advice.

It turns out I don’t have the flu, but I have some kind of viral infection
I most have eaten something from that Nigeria restaurant in Houston (finger Licking)
So yippee! I am flu free, but still need to get better.
Those of you that haven’t gotten the vaccine, please do!
You don’t want to feel shitty like I did or still do.
There are only 3 things I can do: eat (thank God), type, and sleep! But I can’t read! ☹

Needless to say, I had a BLAST in Houston. The Dallas crew made it happen even though they aren’t from H-Town, but the party came to them!? Did it? Maybe it did! Lol!
Even though “Saez & Zuk” nightclub sucked big time, Clara’s party and cloud nine was good. Most importantly, the company was all I needed…exquisite.
Time was well spent, I must say ☺

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http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com/

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“Yo Bailo” (I dance)

He asked me to dance
I wanted to, but I said no
He took 3 steps back and 3 steps forward
Then asked me again if I would like to dance
In my shyness and awkwardness of his beauty
I wanted to, but I said no

The music so beautiful
The texture and pattern made me shiver
Ask again! I want to dance! he seems to quiver
He Looked a tad embarrassed scared of rejection

What do I do... Lesson learned...


I once loved, Love came, but I was blind
Love came a second, but I remained blind
Now I love once again, but love is a far
Unreachable... Unattainable,
How will love know I’m ready to love?
Should I say? Should I watch? Should I be patient?

Indispensably, Dance at the genesis...

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http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

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Its done, its finished, I did it!!!

I sat on the couch today feeling a little bit gloomy
reminiscing about statements like “how do we describe Amina after she gets rid of the gap tooth?”
or the name my impish little sister instilled upon me - “Betty”! argh wicked yea?
But, I got my braces taken out today after thirteen months of excruciating pain and style crumpling! ☺

It felt strange but good at the same time
I was overly excited to see what I would look like
To see how my looks would be transformed
Ermm, I still look the same ☺ slightly different without the gaps ☺

I could not stop smiling
I could not stop starring at the mirror
I could not stop thinking and saying “thank you God, I am done”

In retrospect, I am elated to have gone through this “procedure”.
And I am glad I took that bold step at that (young ☺) age to do it
A lot of people could not believe I (diva) would do it. (hehehe)
It is now finished!

Good bye claws, Bienvenidos Bonita ☺

P.S its not a gross picture I hope? ☺


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http://www.ayakubu.blogspot.com

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